i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
