OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
