are you so shy because you have an std?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
