For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize