When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
