I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
