Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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