is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a hot homeless man
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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