ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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