Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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