Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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