also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
