last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
