dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
