My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
