Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think your dad took our porno
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
