i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
