His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
