I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
