Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
