I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
