just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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