Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
