Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
