SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
