She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
