I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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