Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
