Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
