So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
