so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
