my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
