Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
