You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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