thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize