sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
