I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
