The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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