It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just high enough for therapy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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