There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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