i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
