420 ftw
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize