I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
