Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
