so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
