if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can't just leave with hair like that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
