Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my being single is dangerous.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
