Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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