I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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