i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
