You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
