You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
