I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
