you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
