he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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