the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
