So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
there is glitter all over my balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
