she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize