Welp...herpes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
