i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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