I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
