you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
