I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
