Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
