Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
