Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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