and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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