I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
