like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
