your parents love me but you hate me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
