No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
