I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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