So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
