My room smells like vodka and shame
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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