All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
