is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
