The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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