We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
