Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
